The Dean:
      Leaps tall buildings in a single bound,
      is more powerful than a locomotive,
      is faster than a speeding bullet,
      walks on water,
      gives policy to God.
 
The Department Chair:
      Leaps short buildings in a single bound,
      is more powerful than a switch engine,
      is just as fast as a speeding bullet,
      walks on water if the sea is calm,
      talks with God.
 
Professor:
      Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable wind,
      is almost as powerful as a switch engine,
      is a speeding bullet,
      walks on water in an indoor swimming pool,
      talks with God if special request is approved.
 
Associate Professor:
      Barely clears a quonset hut,
      loses tug of war with switch engine,
      can fire a speeding bullet,
      swims well,
      is occasionally addressed by God.
 
Assistant Professor:
      Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap buildings,
      is run over by locomotives,
      can sometimes handle a gun with inflicting self-injury,
      dog paddles,
      talks to animals.
 
Graduate Student:
      Runs into buildings,
      recognizes locomotives two out of three times,
      is not issued ammunition,
      can stay afloat with a life jacket,
      talks to walls.
 
Undergraduate:
      Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings,
      says "look at the choo-choo",
      wets himself with a water pistol,
      plays in mud puddles,
      mumbles to himself.
 
Department Secretary:
      Lifts tall buildings and walks under them,
      Kicks locomotives off the tracks,
      catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them,
      freezes water with a single glance,
      is God.
			
Jokes