Daffynitions:



Bachelor: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Bachelor: A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.

Bachelor: A man who never made the same mistake once.

Bachelor: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.

Bachelor: A selfish guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.

Bachelor: The only man who has never told his wife a lie.

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Cad: A man who doesn't tell his wife that he's sterile until she's pregnant.

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her
have her own way.

Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.

Grand Slam Event: The honeymoon.

Housework: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.

Husband: A man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December
24 to do his Christmas shopping.

Husband: A man who stands by his wife in troubles she'd never have had if she didn't marry him.

Joint Checking Account: A handy little device which permits your wife to beat you to the draw.

Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

Mrs.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

Nuns: Women who marry god.  If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe?

Old Maid: A critical reflection on every bachelor.

Sex drive: A physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at marriage.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Spinster: A bachelor's wife.

Spouse: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd
stayed single in the first place.

Visionary: Marrying a man with intentions of changing and reforming him.

Wedding Ring: The world's smallest handcuffs.

Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his
personal affairs.

Widow: A woman who can find no fault with her husband.

Widowhood: The only compensation some women get out of a marriage.

Jokes