Seems a mute was walking down the street one day and chanced upon a friend
of his (also a mute).  In sign language, he inquired how his friend had been
doing.
 
The friend replied (vocally!) "Oh, can that hand-waving shit.  I can talk
now."
 
Intrigued, the mute pressed him for details.  Seems he had gone to a 
specialist, who, seeing no physical damage, had put him on a treatment 
program that had restored the use of his vocal chords.
 
Gesturing wildly, the mute asked if he might meet this specialist.  They got
an appointment that very afternoon.
 
After an exam, the specialist proclaimed that there was no permanent damage,
that the mute was essentially in the same condition as his buddy, and that
there was no reason why he couldn't be helped as well.
 
"Yes, yes" signed the mute.  "Let's have the first treatment right now!"
 
"Very well," replies the specialist.  "Kindly go into the next room, drop
your pants and lean over the examining table.  I'll be right in."
 
The mute does as instructed, and the doctor sneaks in with a broomstick,
mallet and jar of Vaseline.  Greasing the broom handle, he "sends it home"
with a few deft swipes of the mallet.
 
The mute jumps from the table, screaming "AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"
 
"VERY good," smiles the doctor.  "Next Tuesday, we start with 'B'"
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A British officer spotted a "busker" (street singer/bum) at the
bottom of the escalator of the London Underground.  The busker
had a sign which read: "VETERAN SOLDIER OF THE FALKLANDS WAR."
The officer thought, "Poor chap, I was there and it was awful!"
Feeling sorry for a fellow veteran, the officer took 20 pounds out of
his wallet and gave it to the busker.  The officer was then greeted 
with a hearty: "Grac�as, Senor!!"
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As a child, Jesus asked his mother, "Who am I?"
 
"The angel of the Lord came down and laid his hand upon
me. You're the Son of God," was Mary's reply.
 
Overhearing this, Joseph intoned, "He damn well better be."
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How doth the little crocodile
      Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
      On every golden scale!
 
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
      How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
      With gently smiling jaws!
            _ Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland"
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Q: What do you call the Yugo owner's manual?
A: The bus timetable.

Jokes