A New Hampshireman stops by a cafe for breakfast.  After paying the tab, he
checks his pockets and leaves his tip _ three pennies.  As he strides 
toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself: "You know, you
can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves."  Man turns around, 
curiosity getting the better of him.  "Oh, really?  Tell me, what does 
my tip say?"  
 
"Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man."  Barely able to conceal
his pride, the man utters "Hmm, true enough."
 
"And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor."  Surprised at her 
perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too."
 
"And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too."
_________________________________

    
The following are actual statements taken from insurance claim forms
where insureds attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the
fewest words possible.
 
 Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I
don't have.
 
I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my
head through it.
 
The other car collided without giving warning of its intentions.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
 
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
 
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
 
A guy was all over the road.  I had to swerve a number of times before
I hit him.
 
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced over at my
mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
 
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
 
I had been shopping for plants all day, and was on my way home.  As I
reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscured my vision, and I
did not see the other car.
 
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and
had an accident.
 
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal
joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
 
As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place
where no stop sign had ever appeared before.  I was unable to stop in
time to avoid the accident.
 
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the
pedestrian.
 
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
 
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.
 
I told the police that I was not insured, but on removing my hat, I
found that I had a fractured skull.
 
I was sure the old fellow never made it to the other side of the road
when I hit him.
 
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
 
I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the
roof of my car.
 
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with
a big mouth.
 
I was thrown from the car as it left the road.  I was later found in a
ditch by some stray cows.
 
The telephone pole was approaching, and I was attempting to swerve out
of its way when it struck the front end of my car.
Jokes