Many years ago I used to attend a church in Chesterville, Ontario
when I lived in the country.  The pastor was a rather long winded
fellow who had no problem lulling more than a few members of his
congregation to sleep with his sermons.  Anyway on one very hot and
muggy July Sunday when he was in the pulpit ready to start his
sermon he began with:
 
"I received an anonymous letter from one of you this week.  It
simply said, 'Sermons should be like pie crust, short and sweet.'."
 
After that he left the pulpit and proceeded with the mass.
 
______________________

The following are some misinterpreted offerings from the land of Christianity:
 
"The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind, and they
can be seen in the church basement Friday afternoon."
 
"Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church
So ends a friendship that began in school days."
 
" The Reverend Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the
audience."
 
"Thursdays at 5p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club.
All wishing to become little mothers will please meet with the minister in the
study."
 
"Due to the rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be
discontinued
until further notice."
 
"Today's sermon : "HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK?", with hymns from a full choir."
 
"on a church bulletin board:
GOD IS GOOD
Dr. Hargreaves is better"
 
"Don't let worry kill you - let the church help"
 
Jokes