One day a three-legged dog moseyed into Dodge City, Kansas.
He was your typical western dog, he had a bandana around his neck
and a snarl on his lips.
 
Anyway, Matt Dillon met the dog in the middle of Main Street amidst
all his fans and said, "Three-Legged dog, this heres a peaceful
community, we don't want no trouble."
 
To which the three-legged dog replied, "Matt, I'm not looking for
no trouble neither, I'm just lookin' for the man that shot my pa(w)!"
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There was a crowd of bees flying around one day.  These bees were
most peculiar, in that they were powered by gasoline, rather than
the allergenic goodies that bees usually eat.  As the crowd flew
along, periodically a bee or two would start to sputter; it would
fly down to a gas station, drink up the gas spilled in fueling a
car, and then fly up and rejoin the crowd.
 
One bee began to sputter a little, but flew right by an open gas
station.  As he passed the second station, he coughing badly, but
still he flew on.  Finally, as he was on his last fumes, he dove
down to a station and gassed up.
 
When he rejoined the crowd, his neighbor challenged him:  "Look, you
passed right by an open station when you started to get low.  You
passed another station when you were perilously low.  And finally,
you ran out of gas just in time to glide into that last station.
Are you crazy?"
 
He replied, "Well, it's like this.  The first station was a Gulf
station.  I really don't like Gulf at all.  The second station was a
Texaco station.  That's even worse.  But the third station was an
Esso station.  Let me tell you, Esso is my brand of gasoline.  You
know what they say don't you..
There's an Esso Bee in every crowd!"
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It has been said that man is a rational animal.  All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this.
           _ Bertrand Russell
__________________________
It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon.  Which
raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.
           _ Franklin P. Jones
__________________________
It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing
warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or
two things still safe to eat.
           _ Robert Fuoss
__________________________
I've found that it's not good to talk about your troubles.  Eighty 
percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty 
percent are glad you are having trouble.
                             _ Tommy LaSorda
__________________________
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.
           _ Groucho Marx
__________________________
I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending
their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to
buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.
           _ Emile Henry Gauvreay
__________________________
Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
           _ Harry Emerson Fosdick
__________________________
Life is too important to take seriously.
           _ Corky Siegel
__________________________
Loan-department manager:  "There isn't any fine print.  At these
interest rates, we don't need it."