At one point, the council of cardinals decided that they wanted to make
Rome an all-Catholic city.  Since the Jews were one of the smallest
populations, they decided to try throwing them out as a test case.
The head rabbi was summoned and told of this decision.  The rabbi
protested, saying that the Jews had been there longer than the Christians,
and that such an arbitrary decision should not be made without some debate.
Thus, it was agreed that the Pope would debate one of the rabbi's.  If
the rabbi won, the Jews could stay.  If the Pope won, the Jews would have
to leave.
 
The head rabbi went back to the rabbinical council and said that a champion
must be chosen.  No one was too eager, as the Pope was well known as an
intellectual and religious heavyweight.  Finally, a Basque rabbi was
chosen.  As Basque was one of the few languages that the Pope didn't
speak (this was before Hebrew was revived), the debate was to be 
carried out in sign language.
 
[Hand gestures must be made by joke teller.]
 
The Pope starts off the debate by making a sweeping gesture.
[Hands and arms in at chest; hands move up and out until arms in
scarecrow position; could be mistaken as symbolism for a rising sun.]
 
The rabbi responds by pointing adamantly at the ground.
 
The Pope thinks a bit, then holds up three fingers.
 
The rabbi holds up one finger.
 
The Pope begins to take communion.
 
The rabbi pulls out an apple and begins eating it.
 
At this point, the Pope concedes the debate.
 
The Pope returns to the council of cardinals, who ask what happened.
[Begin repeating gestures.]
"Well, I said, 'God is everywhere', and he said, 'and God is right here'.
I then said 'God is a trinity', and he said, 'no, God is just one'.
As an act of good faith, I began to take the body of Christ in communion.
Then he pulled out an apple to show the sin in us all.  He'd knocked me
down point for point, so I decided to concede the debate."
 
The rabbi returns to his fellows, who ask what happened.
[Repeat gestures again.]
"Well, he said, 'you all gotta leave', and I said, 'no, we're staying right
here'.  Then he said 'you have three days', and I said, 'not one of us
is leaving'.  Then he broke for lunch, so I started eating mine."
 
__________________________
 
It seems there was this priest who just LOVED to golf, but he had been
very busy for many months and had not been able to get away to go
golfing.  Well, one Sunday morning he woke up and felt he just HAD to
go golfing.  The weather was just beautiful.
 
He called up the Bishop and claimed he had a really bad case of
laryngitis and couldn't preach, so the Bishop told him to rest for
several days.  He then got out his clubs and headed off for the golf
course.
 
He set up at the first hole, making sure no one was there to see him
playing hookey, and blasted that ball with his wood.  It was a
beautiful shot!  It went straight and true; it bounced, and bounced
(right up onto the green) and rolled its way closer... closer... a hole
in one!  The priest jumped up and down in his excitement, praising the
Lord and shouting alleluias.
 
He struts off to the green, collects his ball, and tees off at the
second hole, repeating his performance on the first hole, much to his
astounded delight.
 
All this time St. Peter and God have been watching him from the gates
of heaven.  St. Peter has finally seen enough to pique his curiosity.
"Lord," he says, "this priest seems to be a real trouble maker.  He
ignored his congregation and even LIED to go golfing.  And now you
reward him with a hole in one! Why?"
 
God smiles and looks over at St. Peter and says, "I'm punishing him."
St. Peter looks very confused and asks God for an explanation.  God
replies, "Well, after he finishes his game by himself, who can he tell his
story to?"
Jokes