Dear Son,
      Just a line to let you know I'm still alive.  I'm writing the
letter slowly because I know you can't read fast.  You won't know the
house when you come home, because we have moved.  It was a lot of
trouble moving.  The hardest part was the bed.  The man wouldn't let
us take it in the taxi.  It wouldn't have been so bad if your father
hadn't been in it at the time.
      About your father, he has a wonderful new job with 500 people
working under him: he cuts the grass at the cemetery.
      Our new neighbor started raising pigs_we got wind of it this
morning.
      I got my appendix out and a dishwasher put in.  There was a
washing machine in the new house, but it isn't working too well.  Last
week I put two shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen the
shirts since.
      Your sister got herself engaged to that fellow she's been going
out with.  He gave her a beautiful ring, it has three stones missing.
Your other sister, Mary, had a baby this morning.  I haven't heard if
its a boy or a girl, so I can't tell you if you are an aunt or an uncle.
      Your little brother came home from school the other day crying.  All
the boys at school have new suits.  We can't afford to buy him one, se
we will buy him a new hat and let him stand at the window.
      Uncle Dick was drowned last week in a vat of whiskey at Dublin 
Works.  Four of his workmates dove in to save him, but he fought them
off bravely.  We cremated the body, and it took three days to put out the 
fire.
      Kate is now working at a factory in Birmingham.  She's been
there for six weeks.  I am sending her some clean underwear as she 
says she's been in the same shift since she got there.
      Your father didn't have too much to drink at Christmas.  I
put a bottle of castor oil in his pint of scotch, and it kept him going
to new year.
      I went to the doctor thursday, and your father went with me.
The doctor put a small glass tube in my mouth and said to keep it
shut for ten minutes.  Your father offered to buy it from him.
      It rained only twice last week_first four days, and then three.
On Monday it was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four
times.
      We had a letter from the undertaker.  He said if the last 
installment on your grandmother wasn't paid_up she comes.
 
            Your loving mother,
 
P.S. I was going to send you 10 dollars, but I already sealed the
    envelope.
Jokes