Much has been written about helping plants to grow by playing music or 
singing to them.  Success has now been reported by a man who has been 
experimenting with obscene fern calls.
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At a local popular racket club, you have to book well ahead if you want to 
reserve a tennis court.  One tennis enthusiast was so concerned about not 
losing his booking that he left early from his wife's funeral.  It was a 
case of putting the court before the hearse.
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One night a breeze came up while an orchestra was giving an open-air 
rendition of Schubert's Ninth Symphony.  During the intermission, most of 
the musicians spent their time tying down their music to their stands.  The 
bass players, however, went to a nearby lounge for a few fast drinks.
When the conductor returned to the podium, he was dismayed to find in the 
last half of the Ninth the scores were tied and the basses loaded.
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Rabbit is a favorite dish in Paris.  They raise them in the hutch back of 
Notre Dame.
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My greatest contribution to humor came when I taught my pet lizard to walk 
on its hind legs.  It was the world's first stand-up chameleon.
 
When the FBI arrested the head of a Mafia family, he turned out to be a 
very proud man and kept refusing to answer their questions.  They grilled 
him all night without success but, finally, when morning came the don 
broke.
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An inexperienced butcher in northern Canada was asked by a hunter to cut up 
and package a huge moose.  Never having seen one before, the young man 
nonetheless managed to get it cut into pieces and to parcel and label the 
obvious parts: steaks, chops, ribs, etc.  He had a lot of pieces left over, 
however, that he couldn't identify.  So he parceled each of them as well 
and marked them "Mooselaneous."
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It is a little known fact that many lighthouse keepers raise hens.  
Apparently, they like to have eggs with their beacon.
Jokes