Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines
 

 

 Boston geography
 

       The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury.  Due north of
the center we find the South End. This is not to be confused with South
Boston which lies directly east from the South End.  North of the South
End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End.
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         A Tulsa, Oklahoma, man can only blame himself for
      his less-than-successful court appearance.  The 25-year-old
      defendant accused of purse-snatching was acting as his
      own attorney.  As he cross-examined the victim, he asked
      her:  "Did you get a good look at my face when I took 
      your purse?"  A state jury convicted him of attempted
      robbery by force and gave him a 10-year prison sentence.
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An American is paying a visit to the homeland and is regaling all the locals
with stories of the new world and of how big, and better everything is over
there. An old man walks up to the group the Yank is enchanting and sits down
to join in. The Yank is explaining how big the corn,wheat and apples grow. When
the old man asks"How big are there potatoes?" "Oh! ",exclaims the returnee
"they are huge". So says the old man "They grow them to fit straight into
their  mouths."
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There were two priests, Mike and Paul, who were good friends. One day
Paul was going sky diving. He asked Mike if he would like to come
along and just ride in the plane, but Mike insisted it was too cold
that day--that he wait for him in a shed near the landing site.
While up in the air, the pilot told Paul to simply jump out of the
plane and the 'chute would automatically open. Although if this failed,
he should count to 10 and pull the back-up cord on the front of the 'chute.
Paul jumped and the 'chute failed to open; after counting to 10 he pulled
the back-up cord and that also failed to open the 'chute. As he plummeted
toward the ground, Paul saw Mike flying though the air.

'Mike, do you know anything about parachutes?'
'No Paul, do you know anything about gas stoves?'
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   Once upon a time 3 men meet a good and kind wizard, who granted
them each a wish.
   The first man wished to be the most handsome man in the world,
and PUFFFF he turned into the handsomest man ever seen.
   The second man wished to be the brightest man in history,
and PUFFFF so he was.
   The third man thought for a while and then wished to be 10 times
brighter than the second man, and PUFFF he turned into a woman...
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A gentleman from Toronto is in France on business.  In a taxi on the way to
the hotel, the cabbie is pointing out all the sights.  "See on your right?
That is the Louvre Museum!  It took hundreds of years to collect all the
art that is there now."  The Torontonian dismisses it lightly saying, "We
could do that in a month back home."  The cabbie is insulted, but retains
a certain amount of decorum.  "Look ahead.  That we call L'Arc De Triomphe.
It took many years to build that masterpiece."  Mr. Toronto shrugs it off.
"A solid weekend job in Toronto."  The cabbie loses it.  He's really mad.
He drives right past the Eiffel Tower without saying a word.  "Wait a minute,"
says the tourist.  "What the heck was that??"  The cabbie looks out the
window and says, "Mon Dieu!  I do not know!  It was not there yesterday!!"
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A Chicago TV station as running election night coverage when they reported
that all the cemetery levies had passed. They then noted that this was not
unusual because cemeteries have always been strong voting blocks.

Chicago: Vote early and vote often.
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George Bush made a secret deal with the Emir of Kuwait telling him that
we would free his country only if he agreed to restore democracy. So while
he was in exiled he purchased a warehouse full of old Chicago voting machines
and has since returned and held an election.

Mayor Daley won.