Why did the chicken cross the road?  --Famous Peoples Conjectures--

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the (censored)
reason.

John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp.  What chicken?

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a
hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.

Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.

Groucho Marx: Chicken?  What's all this talk about chicken?  Why, I had an
uncle who thought he was a chicken.  My aunt almost divorced him, but we
needed the eggs.

Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning proprely.
Ah canna work miracles, captain!

Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted
the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of
which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.

Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.

Bill the Cat: Oop Ack.

Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.

Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken?  He's into that
kind of thing, you know.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which
thank goodness are good, dahling.

George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.

Epicurus: For fun.

TS Eliot revisited: Do I dare to cross the road?

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history.  An historic, unprecedented avian
biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly
relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out
of life

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop
its forward momentum.

Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for
it to cross.

Candide: To cultivate its garden.

George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776.
But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during
the duration.

Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross.
If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost.
The chicken would be lost!

Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.

Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Adolf Hitler: It needed Lebensraum.

Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and
we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the
trees.

Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.

Basil Fawlty: Oh don't mind that chicken, it's from Barcelona.


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A young Bavarian named Grill moves from a small town to Munich.
He applies for an account at his local bank. Along with the paper-
work, he receives his first check-book.
After 4 weeks, the branch manager of the bank asks him for an appointment,
to "discuss" the young man's account.
They meet. The manager:
"Your account is overdrawn by several thousand Deutschmarks...and your
income doesn't really generate that much money... ""
The young Bavarian:
"But, but Sir, thats impossible...!" Frantically, he pulls out the checkbook, "...see here, I still have several checks left!!!"
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Q.: Why do blondes have more fun?

A.: They don't know any better.

Q.: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?

A.: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q.: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?

A.: "What's a light bulb?"

Q.: Why do blondes wear clothing with shoulder pads?

A.: (said with shoulders raised and head bouncing from left to right)
    "I dunno."
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    Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: None. Canadians don't change lightbulbs, we accept them as they are.
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Question: What happens when you play a country western song backwards?

Answer:   Your husband/wife comes back, your children come back, you get
          get your job back....etc. etc. etc.