NEW TOYS BANNED BY MORAL SQUAD   By: Ken N. Burbie

Last Friday, Mattel introduced their latest in the long line of "Barbie"
products: "Anatomically Correct" Ken and Barbie.  Almost immediately (a.k.a.
REAL soon) after its release, moral activists vocalized their objections to
some of the new products features.  In the words of Sicken Lee Pure, head of
the Moral Organization of Milton, Montana's YMCA (MOMMY), "The Anatomically
correct dolls by Mattel are disgusting, perverse, and basically sick!  There
is too much eye shadow on Barbie, and Ken's teeth are not straight.  I mean, how
low can you go?"
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A new model of a super-jet just took off
from the Los Angeles airport.  The passengers
were sitting in the most comfortable
chairs there was, listening to the voice
coming from the loudspeakers:
-"Ladies and gentlemen, you are the first
passengers of the ultra modern aeroplane
XZC 212, that represents the top achievement
of air technology.  Probably you already
know that there is no staff in this
aeroplane - both the control of the plane
and the service you are given is fully
automatized.  You safety is, naturally, complete,
and you need not to worry about anything, because
the control of the plane is under controlled by
an electronic equipment...onic equipment...onic
equipment...onic equipment...onic equipment..."
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A new kind of super modern aeroplane was
on a experimental flight.  It was full of
reporters and journalists.  A few minutes
after the take off the captains voice
was heard from the loudspeakers:
-"I'm delighted to be your pilot,
and the captain of this aeroplane on its
first, historical, flight.  I can tell
you that the flight is going perfectly well,
that is, more precisely - by plan B.
Nevertheless, I still have to tell you
about a minor inconvenience that has occurred.
The passengers that are sitting on the right
side can, if they look through the window,
see that the closest engine is slightly
vibrating.  That shouldn't worry you,
because there are four engines, so you
can feel perfectly safe.
And, we are on the unbelievable altitude of
62000 feet, flying at a speed of 1050mph
as planned...
But, if you're looking at that engine,
maybe you can notice that the second engine
is glowing, or more precisely one could say
that it's burning.  That shouldn't worry you,
since there are two more engines on the left
side, and the altitude and speed are still
as planned...
Those of you that are sitting on the left side
shouldn't worry if you notice that one engine
that is supposed to be on the left side has
been missing for about ten minutes.
But, I must ask for your attention of one
thing that seems to be a little more serious.
Along the aisle, all the way through the plane,
a crack has appeared.  Some of you are, I
suppose, looking through the crack and seeing
the waves of the Atlantic.  Those of you
that have very good eyes can notice a small
life boat on those waves that has been thrown
out of the plane.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, your captain is
speaking from that life boat."
Jokes