This guy walks into a bar and sits down.  He says to the bartender, "I've
got a great Pollack joke for you."  The bartender smiles and says, "Well,
before you tell it, I've got to warn you.  That 6'4" 250lb man sitting
beside you is Polish.  And so is the 6'2" 220lb man next to him.  I must
also warn you that I'm also Polish."  The guy just shakes his head and says
to forget it.  "Why," the bartender asks, "you scared?"  "No," the guy says,
"I just don't want to have to explain it three times."
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A family moved into a big spooky house.  The realtor told the family that the
house was haunted by a ghost but the family decided they would risk it.  The
night they moved in each family member in turn started their nightly ritual of
taking a bath or shower.  The first person to bo into the bathroom was the
little boy.  As he started to open the door he heard something from within the
bathroom say, "I'm going to eat you."  He ran and told his big sister.  She,
being adventuresome, went to the bathroom and proceeded to open it.  Then she
heard something say, "I'm going to eat you.  Frightened she told her parents
who in turn attempted to open the door but with the same effect.  They called
the police and the fire department out to see what was wrong.  The 
fire department destroyed the house looking for the possible cause to the
voice.  The police finally burst into the bathroom only to find a little girl
sitting on the toilet with a booger on her finger saying "I'm going to eat
you."
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A certain deservedly famous but possibly somewhat arrogant mathematician
came to the blackboard to improve a proof that one of his seminar students
had just presented. ``Now I'll show you how God would prove it", he said.
Short pause. "If He were as clever as I."