Q.  What is the definition of ambivalent?
 
A.  Seeing your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new BMW.
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A man walks up to the barkeep,
"I'll bet you twenty bucks that I can stand up on the bar
and piss into a shot glass without spilling a drop on the
bar."
Well, it's been a slow night so the bartender takes him
up on the bet.  He sets up a shot glass; the man climbs
up on the bar and pisses all over it.  The barkeep
is happy as hell since he just made twenty bucks to make
up for his lack of tips, but he can't understand why
the man would make such a foolish bet, he asks the man
how he could be so stupid.
The man responds, "Stupid?  I just bet that guy over
there $100 that I could piss all over your bar and you
would smile about it."
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St Peter is up at the pearly gates, admitting new souls.  
The first one for the day walks up.  St Peter stops the man
before he can pass, and tells him that he must pass one more
test.  The man seemed confused, but agreed to the test.  St
Peter said, "It is a simple test, spell God."  
   The man looked relieved.  "Oh, that's easy.  G-O-D."
   St Peter let him pass.  The next man stepped up.  St Peter
once again had the soul stop.  "You must pass one more test.
Spell God."
   The man's face lightened up.  "Oh, that is easy.  G-O-D."
   St Peter let him pass.  The third soul of the day, a haggard
looking businesswoman, stepped up to the gates.  St Peter said, 
"There is just one more test you must pass."
   The woman looked at him, and said, "I have worked hard all my
life, trying to compete against men who got more and better 
promotions, better pay, and less hassle.  I want to rest.  What is
it I must do?"
   St Peter said, "Oh, nothing much.  Just spell Czechoslovakia."
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Mathematicians can prove they do it.
Linguists just talk about it.