"I dropped the toothpaste," Tom said, crestfallen.
 
"This is a bust!" she pointed out.
 
"Apparently, it's your father" said Tom patronizingly.
 
"This is MY baby!" she said pregnantly.
 
"It's 9:59" said Tom pretentiously.
 
"You're under arrest!" said Tom apprehensively.
 
"I'm missing a flower," said Tom lackadaisically.
 
"This is a Tom Swifty," said Tom swiftly.
 
"Be my guest," said Tom saddamishly.
 
"This is a "This is a "This is a..." said Tom recursively.
 
______________________________________________________________________
October 2, 1890. Somewhere in Manhattan, Groucho (alias Julias Schoenberg)
was born. Happy Birthday Groucho!! 
 
How about a few famous Groucho lines posted in his honor. Like:
 
  GROUCHO: (to hotel desk clerk) I'd like to register a complaint!
           Who was that in my room last night??
 
  CLERK: There was nobody in your room last night!
 
  GROUCHO: That's why I'd like to register a complaint!!
 
"Even though I try never to forget a face... I'm willing to make an exception
in your case."
______________________________________________________________________
In Lewes, Delaware, a proctologist has a home office, and the
sign on the front of the house says
 
      PARKING IN REAR
___________________________________________________________________

In Baltimore, Maryland, a sign on the street in front of the Bond Bakery says
 
        NO LOAFING
_____________________________________________________________________
 A friend of mine won't get a divorce, because he hates lawyers more than
 he hates his wife.
___________________________________________________________________
A friend of mine is taking a sign language course.  We were sitting around
with some other friends the other night and someone asked her "Why are you
taking sign language?"  My dead-pan answer: "It's a prerequisite for Italian"
____________________________________________________________________________
One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked
"What is the Gross National Product?". The little boy pondered for a minute
and replied "Spinach!?".
__________________________________________________________________________

Remember the good old days where you decided which candidate to vote for
by asking who would do the most good?  Now you ask who will do the least
harm.
___________________________________________________________________
 
_-----------------------------_
| Horsemilk, SD               |
| Population:     4238        |
| Elevation:      3015        |
| Founded:        1928        |
| Total:          9181        |
_-----------------------------_
 
_____________________________________________________________________
 
Interviewer:    Congratulations on winning the lottery.
 
Farmer:         Thank you.
 
Interviewer:    Do you have any special plans for spending the money?
 
Farmer:         Not really.  I'm just gonna keep farming 'til it's gone.
 
__________________________________________________________________
 
      How about the teenager who broke into a neighbor's house,
stole a book of checks, wrote himself a check for $100, and then
cashed it.
_____________________________________________

A woman goes into a greengrocer and is looking round anxiously at a pile of
oranges.
 
"Can I help you madam?" asks the shopkeeper.
 
"Well, I was looking for some fruit for my husband.  Have these oranges been
treated with any poisonous fertilizer or weed killer?" she replies.
 
"No madam, you'll have to get that from the chemist's."