Two guys go into a bar and order a couple of beers. Almost immediately, a drunk staggers in there general direction. Sure enough, he comes over to them and says to them in an intoxicated tone of voice "Ah'm gonna make you two ginteeelmen a bet. Ah'm gonna bet you that ah can bite mah right eye." The two men discuss it and decide that this fellow, in his drunkeness, has made a foolish bet, so they bet him five dollars. To their surprise, the juiced fellow pulls a glass eye out of his right eye socket and bites it. He then proceeds to say, "Now ah am gonna double theeth wager and bet you that ah can bite my left eye." After some discussion, the two dupes decide that this fellow must have at least one good eye since he could walk across the room drunk. When they put ten dollars on the bar, the drunk proceeds to take a set of false teeth out of his mouth and closes them on his good left eye. After embarrasing these two the second time, the drunk fellow says "OK fellah'th, hereth one latht bet for you. Ah will again double theeth wager and bet you that ah can thtand on theeth bar, have thuh bahteenduh thlide three beers mugth down thuh bar ath fatht ath he can, and ah will pith in everee one of thuh beer mugth, filling them up tuh thuh brim without thpilling any pith anywhere on thuh bar, thuh floor, or anywhere elthe." Reasoning that no one could do this even sober, the two men take the bet. With forty dollars on the bar, the drunk slowly climbs up on the bar and prepares himself. The bartender slides the three beer mugs past the drunk. The drunk, completely missing all three of the mugs, pisses all over the two fellows. As he carefully climbs down from the bar, he smiles at the two fellows, who are both drenched with piss, but laughing at winning their money back. One of them asks him "You just lost forty dollars. Why are you smiling?" The drunk says "Becauth ah jutht bet that fellow ovuh in thuh corner five hundred dollath that ah could pith all ovuh you and you'd laugh about it." _____________________________________________________________________________ There was this lady who thought she was pregnant. This phenomenon is well known in medical circles - it's called a hysterical pregnancy. The patient experiences all the symptoms of pregnancy: morning sickness, a gradual swelling of the stomach, etc. However, she is not pregnant. Now, the patient's doctor was a very gentle person, and could not for the life of him tell her that her symptoms are false. So he waits and waits. Eventually, nine months are "over," and the patient begins to feel oncoming birth pangs. She is rushed to the hospital, where her birth pangs intensify. Her doctor is now holding frantic consultations with other doctors on how to stop this phenomenon. Eventually, one doctor volunteers to explain to her what is happening. He goes to her and says, "Madam, I've got to tell you the truth. You are laboring under a misconception."