joke180


 
Two guys go into a bar and order a couple of beers.  Almost
immediately, a drunk staggers in there general direction.
Sure enough, he comes over to them and says to them in an
intoxicated tone of voice "Ah'm gonna make you two ginteeelmen
a bet.  Ah'm gonna bet you that ah can bite mah right eye."
The two men discuss it and decide that this fellow, in his 
drunkeness, has made a foolish bet, so they bet him five dollars.
To their surprise, the juiced fellow pulls a glass eye out of his
right eye socket and bites it.  He then proceeds to say, "Now
ah am gonna double theeth wager and bet you that ah can bite my
left eye."  After some discussion, the two dupes decide that this
fellow must have at least one good eye since he could walk across the
room drunk.  When they put ten dollars on the bar, the drunk
proceeds to take a set of false teeth out of his mouth and
closes them on his good left eye.  After embarrasing these two
the second time, the drunk fellow says "OK fellah'th, hereth one
latht bet for you.  Ah will again double theeth wager and bet 
you that ah can thtand on theeth bar, have thuh bahteenduh 
thlide three beers mugth down thuh bar ath fatht ath he can,
and ah will pith in everee one of thuh beer mugth, filling
them up tuh thuh brim without thpilling any pith anywhere on
thuh bar, thuh floor, or anywhere elthe."  Reasoning that 
no one could do this even sober, the two men take the bet.
With forty dollars on the bar, the drunk slowly climbs up on
the bar and prepares himself.  The bartender slides the three
beer mugs past the drunk.  The drunk, completely missing all
three of the mugs, pisses all over the two fellows.  As he
carefully climbs down from the bar, he smiles at the two 
fellows, who are both drenched with piss, but laughing at winning
their money back.  One of them asks him "You just lost forty
dollars.  Why are you smiling?"  The drunk says "Becauth
ah jutht bet that fellow ovuh in thuh corner five hundred
dollath that ah could pith all ovuh you and you'd laugh 
about it."
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There was this lady who thought she was pregnant. This phenomenon is
well known in medical circles - it's called a hysterical pregnancy.
The patient experiences all the symptoms of pregnancy: morning
sickness, a gradual swelling of the stomach, etc. However, she is
not pregnant. 
 
Now, the patient's doctor was a very gentle person, and could not for
the life of him tell her that her symptoms are false. So he waits and
waits. Eventually, nine months are "over," and the patient begins to
feel oncoming birth pangs. She is rushed to the hospital, where her
birth pangs intensify.
 
Her doctor is now holding frantic consultations with other doctors on
how to stop this phenomenon. Eventually, one doctor volunteers to 
explain to her what is happening. He goes to her and says, "Madam, I've 
got to tell you the truth. You are laboring under a misconception."