Police: Mr. Johnson, we have just arrested a thief carrying several
        credit cards with Mrs. Johnson's name on them.
 
Mr. Johnson: Tell the thief he can keep them.
 
Police: But don't you want your credit cards back? 
 
Mr. Johnson: No.  He's been spending only about half as much as 
             Mrs. Johnson.
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      The paper "National Geographic, The Doomsday Machine" which appeared
       in the Journal of Irreproducible Results predicts dire consequences
       resulting from a nationwide buildup of National Geographic. The 
       author's predictions are based on the observations that the number of
       subscriptions for National Geographic are on the rise and that no 
       one ever throws away a copy of the National Geographic.
________________________________

A new woman pastor comes to a small town church.  She is readily accepted by
the women of the parish, but the men have been against her from the beginning.
 
One of the women tells her that a number of the men like to go fishing
together on Saturdays, so she asks them if she can go along next time.
 
Saturday rolls around, and the men are all distracted by having the pastor
with them, so distracted in fact that only when they are out in the middle of
the lake do they realize they've left the bait back on shore.  The men are all
grumbling about having to go all the way back, when the pastor volunteers,
"There's no need for everyone to go back, you just wait here and I'll go
back into shore and get it."  Having said this, she get's up out of the boat,
and starts walking to shore on the water.
 
As soon as the pastor is out of earshot, one man speaks up.  "Well that's just
great!", he says to the others, "Not only do they send us a woman, she can't
even swim!"