You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to 
getting hit.  If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
______________________________
South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
______________________________
Most books now say our sun is a star.  But it still knows how to change back 
into a sun in the daytime.
______________________________

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees.  There are 180 degrees
between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and
south.
______________________________
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
______________________________
There is a tremendous weight pressing down on the centre of the Earth because of so much population stomping around here these days.
______________________________
Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
______________________________

Three guys are debating who has the best memory:
 
Guy 1: I can remember the first day of my First Grade class.
 
Guy 2: I can remember my first day at Nursery School!
 
Guy 3: Heck that's nuthin', I can remember going to the senior prom
       with my father, and coming home with my mother.
______________________________
A madman recently escaped from the local mental home.  After breaking out, 
he raped a number of maids, and cleaning women. The police have recaptured
him.
 
The headline is:
 
NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS
__________________________________________________________________

Question: What is 1 + 2 ?
 
Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures, you'll find
            that it's reasonably in line with government predictions.
 
Physicist: I won't tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for.
 
Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.


Jokes