Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
    So that the other one could drive ....
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      The old rooster was getting on in years, but he wasn't quite
ready to give up his flock of hens yet.  So when another young rooster
came strutting around the henhouse, the old rooster eyed him and said,
"look, son, I'm a bit old for fighting, so I'll make you a deal."
      "Sure, pops", said the cocky (I know, I know) young rooster.
"let's hear it".
      "I'll race you around the barn, and if I win, you gotta
leave", said the old rooster, "and if you beat me, I'll just mosey on
down the road, and all these cute little hens will be yours."
      The young rooster looked at the old rooster's bony, bent legs,
and said "you're on, gramps!"
      "just one more thing", said the old rooster, "you gotta give
me three steps head start".
      "Ha ha!  no problem", said the young rooster.  "You just take
off any time you're ready".  With that, the old rooster took off
around the barn.  When he had gone three steps, the young rooster ran
after him.  As they rounded the first corner, the young rooster had
easily made up a step on the old rooster.  By the time they reached
the second corner, he had made up a second step.  By then, the old
rooster was breathing hard, and the young rooster was only a short
step behind.  As they rounded the last corner, and headed down the
home stretch, the farmer stepped out of the barn with his
double-barreled shotgun, and blew the young rooster into a pile of
sticky feathers.
      "God damn it!", shouted the farmer.  "That's the third queer
rooster this month!"
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Two cows in a field:
 
Cow one: Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease?
Cow two: No, not really.
Cow one: Oh !  Why's that then ?
Cow two: I'm a duck.
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A father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the
street corner for 15 cents a glass.  He figures he'll spend about
3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and
then drink the rest and get stomach aches.  His eventual response:
 
"Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll give
you two dollars.  Everybody wins."
Jokes