An elderly woman went into the doctor's office.  When the doctor asked why she
was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."  Taken
aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith,
but you're 75 years old.  What possible use could you have for birth control
pills?"  The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."  The doctor thought
some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to
sleep?"  The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I
sleep better at night."
______________________________
Why was Jesus Irish?
He didn't leave home till he was thirty, he hung around with 12 other
guys, his mother thought he was god, and he thought she was a virgin.
______________________________
How do you fit twenty Englishmen in a mini?
Promote one and watch the other nineteen climb up his arse.
______________________________
True story: A man in Wisconsin was recently hit by some
     falling debris - it turned out to be frozen human
     excrement from an airplane.
 
Commentary (heard on the radio):  I thought the cold war
     was over.  Now you are telling me a man in Wisconsin
     was almost killed by an ICBM.

___________________________________
Did you here about Bush's new secret weapon against Iraq?
The ultimate desert warrior:
 
A female marine with PMS.
 
She's vicious and retains water.
Jokes