T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
When all through the dwelling
The adults were unconscious, 
      The brats had stopped yelling
The stockings were hung with a "je ne sais quoi"
      In hopes we'd get presents (especially moi).
 
 
      The kids had exhausted themselves
            with their play
      Had totalled the house
            and were through for the day
      And my lady and I, having earned our repose
            Were contentedly snoring (or so I suppose)
 
 
When soon from the living room, 
      somebody gurgled
And I quaked with alarm
      for I thought we'd been burgled
And armed with a baseball bat
      heart filled with terror
I crept to the scene and discovered my error
 
 
      For this was no burglar
            I'd entered to watch
      It was only Saint Nicholas
            drinking my scotch
      "Help yourself, Father Christmas"
            and "Welcome!" I cried.
      "So I have, and 'tis very good stuff," he replied
 
 
His eyes; how they twinkled
      His nose; how it glowed!
His teeth were enormous
      and all of them showed
He carried no bundle
      a briefcase was all;
The stockings hung empty, forlorn on the wall
 
 
      And where were the reindeer?
            Had all of them died?
      There was only a limousine
            waiting outside.
      I reproached him: "Kris Kringle,
            you've grown very lax!"
      "I don't know any Kringle; I've come for your tax!"
 
      
"A new law," he exclaimed
       with a comical dance,
"Say's you've got to pay next April's
      sum in advance."
"But this," I exclaimed
      "is the worst of all gyps!"
And he chuckled and winked
      and rejoined, "Read my lips!"
 
 
      "Then you've come," I inquired,
            "from the dread IRS?"
      "In a word," answered he
            with a pirouette, "yes."
      And ere felled by my bat,
            he appended (quite loud)
      "And Christmas and New Year's are now disallowed."
Jokes