The World According to Student Bloopers
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This is taken from "Student Bloopers Win Pullet Surprises," a chapter in
the book Anguished English, by Richard Lederer.  Its name says it all.
Here are a few excerpts from the book:
 
From "Excuses, excuses" (taken from the school excuses parents write for their
    children):
      "Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.  Yesterday he fell
         out of a tree and misplaced his hip."
        "Please excuse Jimmy for being.  It was his father's fault."
 
From "Disorder in the Court!" (taken from actual court transcripts):
      "Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
      "A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."
 
      "Q. What happened then?
      "A. He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can
         identify me.'
      "Q. Did he kill you?
      "A. No."
 
      "Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information
         and prejudice from your minds, if you have any."
 
From "Wholly Holy Bloopers" (taken from church bulletins):
      "The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind, and
       they can be seen in the church basement Friday afternoon."
      "For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
       nursery downstairs."
 
From "It's an Ad, Ad, Ad, Ad World" (taken from advertisments):
      "Our bikinis are exciting.  They are simply the tops."
      "Great Dames for sale."
      "Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children."
 
From "Two-Headed Headlines" (taken from actual newspaper headlines):
      "TRAFFIC DEAD RISE SLOWLY"
      "CARRIBEAN ISLANDS DRIFT TO LEFT"
      "PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE"
      "MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH"
      "AUTOS KILLING 110 A DAY.  LET'S RESOLVE TO DO BETTER"
      "MAN IS FATALLY SLAIN"
 
From "Lost in Translation" (taken from signs in foreign countries):
      In a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the
       hotel porter."
      In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have
       children in the bar."
      From the brochure of a car-rental shop in Tokyo:
       "When passenger of foot heave into your sight, tootle the horn.
        Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your
        passage, tootle him with vigor."
 
All excerpts taken from Anguished English by Richard Lederer.  New York:
   Dell Books, 1987.  Reprinted without permission.