Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
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Honk if you love peace and quiet.
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Honorable, adj.:
     Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.  In legislative
bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the
honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
           W. C. Fields
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How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
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How come wrong numbers are never busy?
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What's the difference between broccoli and buggers????

Little kids won't eat broccoli......
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How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
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How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
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Howe's Law:
      Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
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Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
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Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
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"Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse."
            William Gilbert
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Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
      The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
      to ..... to ........ uh ..............
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"I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!"
            Paul McCracken
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"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."
            English Professor
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I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared for the
great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
            Winston Churchill

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"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
           English Professor, Ohio University
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I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
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I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of
pre-Adamite ancestral descent.  You will understand this when I tell
you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial
atomic globule.  Consequently, my family pride is something
inconceivable.  I can't help it.  I was born sneering.
            Pooh-Bah, "The Mikado", Gilbert & Sullivan
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I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
            G. K. Chesterton
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I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat.
            Will Rogers
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I can resist anything but temptation.
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I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
            Lillian Hellman