One women is never happy when she has to wait in line, and people who
try to squeeze in front are a special sore point.
     One day a young man at the supermarket stepped up to her just as she
reached the checkout counter.  "Mind if I go ahead?" he asked.  "I just have
this one can of dog food."
     "Goodness, no," she roared, "If you're that hungry, go right ahead!"
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Guidelines for good writing from a recent Omni article:

- Subject and verb always has to agree.

- Do not use a foreign term when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.

- It behooves the writer to avoid archaic expressions.

- Do not use hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.

- Avoid cliches like the plague.

- Mixed mataphors are a pain in th eneck and should be thrown out the window.

- Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.

- Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.

- Consult a dictionary frequently to avoid mispelling.

- Don't be redundant.

- Don't repeat yourself or say what you have said before.

- Remember to never split an infinitive.

- The passive voice should not be used.

- Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

- Don't use no double negatives.

- Proofread carefully to see if you have any words out.

- Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use
them.

- Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

- Avoid colloquial stuff.

- No sentence fragments.

- Remember to finish what
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Quite a number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth
under the baton of Milton Katims.....

Now at this point, you must understand two things:

(1.) There's a quite long segment in this symphony where the bass violins
don't have a thing to do.  Not a single note for page after page.

(2.) There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400, right across the street
from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.

It had been decided that during this performance, once the bass players
had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth, they were to quietly
lay down their instruments and leave the stage, rather than sit on their
stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes.  Well, once they got
backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and quaff
a few brews.

After they had downed the first couple rounds, one said, "Shouldn't we be
getting back?  It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late."

Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursion in the first place,
replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I tied a
string around the last pages of the conductor's score.  When he gets down to there,
Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton
with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."

So they had another round, and finally returned to the Opera house, a little
tipsy by now.  However, as they came back on stage, one look at their
conductor's face told them they were in serious trouble.  Katims was furious!
And why not? After all...

It was the bottom of the Ninth,
the basses were loaded,
and the score was tied.
_________________________________________________________________________
-"I have two hobbies -- hunting and Women."
-"Really ?  What do you hunt ?"
-"Women."
___________________________________-

-"I'm dreaming of being a millionare, just like my father."
-"Oh ?  Is your father a millionare ?"
-"No, but he's dreaming of being one.