Once upon a time there was a man who owned a pen that he cherished.
He would use this pen at any available opportunity. He loved having to
sign his name because it gave him a chance to use his pen. If he had
nothing to do he would always be found doodling with his pen. He kept
it for years and years and used it often.
    Sadly, one day it ran out of ink and there was no way to refill it.
He couldn't bring himself to throw it away. He wanted to find some way
that he could still get some kind of use out of it. He came upon a
brilliant idea. He had the pen melted down into the shape of an urn so
that when he died his ashes could be placed inside the urn and thus he
could spend eternity with his pen.

The moral of the story?.........


A Pen He Saved is a Pen He Urned

 

 
How fat was he?????

He was so fat that I had to run him down 'cause I didn't
think I had enough gas to drive around him.

He was so fat, we would take him to MacDonalds to watch the
numbers change.

He was so fat, when he got a shoeshine he had to take
their word for it.

He was so fat, when he stood on a corner, a cop would
come along and tell him to break it up.

He was so fat, when he'd walk out onto the beach after swimming
in the ocean, three guys from Greenpeace would try to throw
him back in the water.

 

 Subject: Scotch

   Eriskay, the Scottish island whose inhabitants have been drinking
free scotch since 1941, is returning to the real world.
   The 200 residents have finally drunk through the 20,300 cases of
scotch they salvaged from a shipwreck on rocks off the island 45
years ago.  Eriskays remarkable windfall was enshrined by Compton
Mackenzie's novel Whiskey Galore, made into a delightful movie in
1948 during Britain's post-war golden age of filmmaking.
   It's been such a marvellous party that we don't want to think
about the shock that awaits Eriskay people at the bar and the
off-license when they see what 45 years have done to the price of
scotch.
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      A rabbit was out hopping one day when he came across a bottle.  Nudged
it a bit and the cork fell off.  A geni floated out.  "You get one wish for
opening the bottle"  (A cheap geni, must have been cutbacks that year.)  The
rabbit thought a bit and said "I've always enjoyed music."  (A cultured
rabbit.) 
"Could you make be a piano for a symphony?"
     So this become a case of "Hare today, grand tomorrow."
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Remember, even if you win the rat race  you're still a rat.
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Consider the following:
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          Time flies like an arrow.
          Fruit flies like a banana.

      Instructions on a package of fresh tortellini: "... boil for 8
minuets ...".  Dance While You Cook!
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A Californian is flying cross country on a 747.  An hour or so into the
flight, the captain announces that they have lost an engine and it will take
an extra hour to reach the destination.  About an hour later, the captain
announces that they've lost another engine and it will take an extra two
hours.  Things go smoothly for a while, then the captain announces that
they've lost a third engine and it will take another extra two hours.  The
Californian turns to his seatmate and says:  "Damn, if we lose that other
engine we'll be up here all day!"