Two Texas Tech students are piloting a plane, when they discover that they
must make an emergency landing.  Luckily enough, there is a nearby
(unused) airstrip, so they decide to land there.

As they fly over it, one says, "that's an awfully short runway; I don't
know if we can land on it."  The other points out that there's no
choice, so they have to try.

They bring the plane in as slowly as possible, touching wheels right at
the beginning of the runway, and immediately hit the brakes.  The plane
slides to a halt with the front wheels hanging off the runway's end.

One student turns to the other and says, "We made it, but this is the
SHORTEST runway I've ever seen."  The other says, "Yeah, but it must
be at least two miles wide."
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      Two cannibals were talking.

      Cannibal 1: "You know, I hate your mother-in-law."

      Cannibal 2: "That's okay, just eat the noodles."
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Q. How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 
A. Seven, one to hold the bulb and six to drink until the
room starts to spin.
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During the recent Karpov-Kasparov world chess championships they came
to an adjournment and left for their hotel.  In the lobby of the hotel
several chess enthusiasts could be heard bragging,

      "I could beat Karpov with no problem".
      "Oh yeah, I could beat both of them at the same time."
      "That's nothing, I could beat both of them blindfolded!"

Finally, the hotel manager had had enough and threw them all out of the hotel.
"But why?" a bystander asked.

"Because," the manager replied "I hate ...



"chess nuts boasting by an open foyer!"
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A gang of teenaged clams were wandering
around their turf (stretch of beach) one day when
they say a huge machine constructing a pier.  The
machine would drive a huge wooden pole into the
sand, pull itself out farther, drive another pole,
etc., gradually working its way out to sea.
The clam gangleader said "Hey, dudes, let's
go check it out!"  So all the clams started off to
examine the machine except for one of the younger
ones, who held back.  The leader said "Yo, dude,
what's the problem?"
"Well, gee, I don't know," the young clam
replied, "somebody might get hurt."
The entire gang yelled "Chicken! Chicken!"
"I am not!" the young clam said. "Let's go."
So they all wandered off towards the machine,
and watched it pound poles into the surf for a
while.  Then one clam said to the little one, "I
dare you to go up next to that machine."
"Uh-uh." The young clam said. "It might
squoosh me."
"What are you, chicken?" 
"No, I'm not.  Why don't YOU do it?"
"Umm...well..." the older clam hesitated,
then saw the rest of the gang looking at him.
Having no other choice, he moved slowly towards
the machine.  When he was about ten feet away, he
looked back and called, "Okay, I'm here."
The other clams yelled back "No! Get closer!"
and the like.
Afraid to lose face, the clam trudged up to
the machine.  Sure enough, the next pole came down
directly on top of him, killing him instantly.
And do you know what he died of?
 
Pier pressure.
 
Jokes