KI-MO-SA-BE:  (what Tonto calls his masked friend)

According to a Navaho translation it means:

1) A wet shirt on ones back or
2) A dirty rag on a bush.

So when Tonto says, "Lets go Kimosabe", he's really telling The Lone Ranger
"It' s time to wash your clothes".

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A ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint.  It
is reported that both crews have been marooned.

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The Basques and the Spaniards were tearing up the countryside with one of
their endless wars when the Basques chased the Spaniards into a box canyon.
 Thinking that they had trapped the enemy, the Basques fortified the only
entrance hoping to starve the Spaniards into submission.  After weeks of
waiting, the Basques were surprised by an attack on their rear and soundly
defeated: the clever Spaniards had found another way out!  The moral of the
story is, of course, DON'T PUT ALL OF YOUR BASQUES IN ONE EXIT.

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A man starts work as President of a company.  His predecessor tells him as
he prepares to leave for the last time that when he gets into trouble that
he has left three envelopes that will help but that they should be used one at
a  time.

Things go along okay for a while and then trouble pops up.  The guy opens
the first envelope and reads, " Blame previous management."  He does and
things go better for a while.

When things get bad again he opens the second envelope and reads,
"Re-organize". 
 This makes things better for a while, but sure enough he finds himself
reaching  for the third envelope.  

Inside he finds, " Prepare three envelopes"

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"Producing a system from a specification is like walking on water, it's easier
if it's frozen." 

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A reporter from Time magazine, working in Philippines, was writing an article
on the new government.  An aide asked if he'd like to see the version of
Mt. Rushmore that was completed just before Marcos left the country.  He
quickly agreed and off they went.  Eventually they came to a mountain with
three images carved into it.  One was George Washington, one was Richard
Nixon, and one was Ferdinand Marcos.

After staring at the monument for a while the Time reporter finally said
"I'm sorry, I just don't understand the relation between these men!"

"Easy" replied the aide, "Washington could not tell a lie, Nixon could not
tell the truth, and Marcos could not tell the difference."

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From this morning's LA Times:

      A 20-foot metal sculpture is missing, and San Jose officials fear it may
have been destroyed by construction workers who did not recognize it as art.
 "I feel awful about it, just awful," said city redevelopment Director Frank
Taylor.  "It was not a traditional piece of art, but it was a real nice
piece."
 The sculpture stood on Market Street where the Fairmont Hotel is being built.
 Consuelo Santos-Killins, a California Arts Council member from San Jose,
said construction workers may have placed it in a trash bin and "squished it
to  bits."

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  "If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error."

                                                       John Kenneth Galbraith

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Thomas Edison is alleged to have remarked about his laboratory, "There ain't
no rules around here.  We're trying to accomplish something."

Jokes