Why do Aggies tape their diplomas to the inside of their windshields?
So they can park in handicap parking.

What did the Aggie graduate say to the UT graduate?
Would you like fries with that burger?

Why does A&M use astroturf instead of grass on their football field?
So their co-eds won't graze.

What do you call a pretty woman at an Aggie sporting event?
Visitor.
___________________________________________________

            T R U E     S T O R I E S
            -------------------------


CLICHES COME TO LIFE

      The Philadelphia Inquirer reported last year that it took two state
      employees and a $9,400 machine to change a lightbulb in the capitol
      complex in Harrisburg.  Light fixtures in a two-year-old building
      had been placed too far from the walls to use a ladder, requiring
      a device to lift an employee to the ceiling to change the bulb.


GOVERNMENT IN ACTION

      As a result of seizing assets of failed banks, the Federal Deposit
      Insurance Corp. assumed ownership of, among other things, the
      negative to a never-released 1985 film staring unknowns Charlie
      Sheen and Laura Dern, the largest cemetery of former slaves in the
      United States, and 800 units of Brahma bull semen.

LATEST TESTOSTERONE SURGES

      In January, fundamentalist pastor Roy Alan Yanke, 37, confessed to
      robbing 14 banks of $50,000 in order to raise money for prostitutes
      to satisfy his "tremendous appetite for sex."  A female parishioner
      called Yanke "a wonderful man" and said, "The devil's busy; I'm
      sure that's what's behind it."

CREME DE LA WEIRD

      A 12-year-old girl is under treatment at the All India Institute
      of Medical Sciences because ants emerge from her right eye.
      Doctors have used medication to reduce the number from 50 to 60
      per day to 6 or 7 per day.  They believe small holes in an eyelid
      may be hosting ant eggs, but surgery and X-rays have been
      inconclusive.  She reports the condition irritating but   
      not painful.