The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "George, why has your school
work been so poor lately?"
    "I'm in love," the boy replied.
    Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
    "With you," he said.
    "But George," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is?  It's
true that I would like a husband of my own someday.  But I don't want a
child."
     "Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber."
______________________________
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said:
"Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by
offering payment.  But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned
you in my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added,
"Can I see that prescription I just gave you?  I'd like to make a little
change..."
______________________________
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table
watching a little show.  On the table was an upside down pot and a duck
tap dancing on it.  The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to 
buy the duck from its owner.  After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled
for $10000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger,
"Your duck is a ripoff!  I put him on the pot before a whole audience and
he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle
under the pot?"
_____________________________________
A company in the Foreign Legion had spend three years in the Sahara desert
never having seen a woman.  They finally decide to send one private on 
vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them
all about it.  After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed.
The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great escapades.
"And on the third day..." he began,
"No! no! start with the first day." everyone yells out in chorus.
"And on the third day, " the private continues " she asked me to stop so
she could go to the bathroom..."
______________________________
On the wall of a church was a sign,
"If you are tired of sin, come to see us!"
And right below it in nice rounded letters;
"But if you're not, my phone number is 341 3451"
______________________________
There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered 
hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner.  After a while he started
advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man.
"It's o.k.," he replied, "it's written in the Bible."
So after a wild night of you-know-what the hat check girl asked to see where
in the Bible it says it's okay.
The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the first page where
someone wrote in pencil - "The hat check girl puts out!"
______________________________
On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily business.
One wore a large cross on his chest and the other - a star of David.
Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the cross wearer and
the other was overlooked.  Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and 
suggested that if he take off the star of David maybe he'd get some more
hand outs.
"Get this guy," laughs the pan handler and turns to his cross wearing pal,
"Trying to teach *us* how to do business!"