Awhile back, a major aquarium in California needed a fund raising campaign.
The president of the company asked his fund raising committee for an idea,
and they came back to him in a week.  
President: Your idea?
Committee: We suggest you have races every Tuesday, and allow the general
          public to bet on them.  You could train the animals to respond
          to your command, and instruct one or the other to win, depending
          on the bets made.
President: What animals should we use?
Committee: We suggest the dolphin and the porpoise.
At the end of the conference, one committee member took the president aside
and asked: Sir, could you do me a favor?
President: What is that?
Member: Well, I told the guys I'd bet all my money on the dolphin.  Can you
        make sure that the dolphin always wins?
President: But then we'd lose money, and this is supposed to be a fund
           raiser.
Member: So?
President: So, that defeats the porpoise!
_______________________________________________________________________
Once a flashy young man drove up in a flashy red Porsche convertible
to a hardware store and parked it before entering the shop.
 

A small kid driving an old moped drove up and spotted this flashy
red car and could not resist it. He hopped into it and tried 
all the controls for the feel.
 

The young man came out of the store and spotted the kid in his
jazzy car and caught him by the scruff of his neck and threw him
out of the car asking him to clear off.
 

The young man then switched gears and drove away. He was in 
the 2nd gear and doing 30 mph when he saw a small black spot
on his rear-view mirror which grew larger and larger and then
WHIZZZZZZZZZZZZ, the kid shot past on his old moped into the
horizon. 
 

This enraged the Porsche owner, who shifted to the 3rd Gear and
shot his speed up to 50-60-70 mph and soon enough zipped past the
kid on the moped and continued at 80 mph.
 

Soon enough, the young man noticed the small spot on his 
mirror which grew larger and larger until WHIZZZZZZZZZ
the young kid whizzed past him on his moped in a cloud of
dust into the distant horizon. 
 

 
The Porsche clicked into the 4th gear and shot up to 90-100
-110 mph and soon enough caught up with the moped and
with an angry wave of his hand he swept past the moped.
 

Soon enough ( you guessed it ) , the small spot again appeared
in the rear view mirror and the moped WHIZZZZ past in a cloud of
dust with the kid arched on it with eyes tightly closed and
blitzing past at 110 mph and disappeared into the horizon.
 

The Porsche was desperate and accelerated to 130 mph and caught
up with the moped and soon both were screaming at each other to
stop.
 

They drove to the side of the road and faced each other. The
young man glared at the kid and said " Now what !! "
 

The kid, in a very flustered way replied; " You Jerk, my
suspenders are caught in your car door.!!!"
___________________________________________________________________
      There was a young boy who lived about 30 miles from Atlanta, GA.
He decided he wanted to take a trip into the city by himself so he saved
all his paper route money. When he had enough money he asked his mom if he
could go. The day he left she packed him a lunch and off he rode on his bike.
He had been peddling for about 30 mins when a guy in a Corvette drove along
side him.                        
 

      guy: Where you going?
 

      boy: I'm going to Atlanta.
 

      guy: That's a long way to have to ride your bike, you want a ride?
 

      boy: YEA, but what about my bike.
 

      guy: Oh, yea. I know, I have a tow rope in my trunk. I'll tie one
 

           end to your handle bars and the other to my bumper. If while
 

           I'm driving I go too fast, just ring the bell on your bike and
 

           I'll slow down.
 

      boy: Hey, great. Let's go.
 

      So off they go. The driver finally levels off at about 40 mph and
 

everyone's happy. A few minutes later a guy in this Jaguar XKE pulls up 
 

alongside the Corvette. He revs the engine, pulls ahead, drops back, pulls
 

ahead again and starts yelling at the guy in the Corvette about his high
 

performance 'vette only can do 40. Before you know both cars are gone in a
 

cloud of dust. About 5 miles down the road they pass a speed trap.
 

Cop radioing ahead to his partner: "Fred your not going to believe 
 

       this. A Corvette and Jaguar just passed me going 170 mph. They're
 

       heading your way, so be ready. And you want to hear the amazing
 

       part of it......... there's this little kid on a bike, ringing
 

       his bell for all its worth, trying to pass 'em.
 
Jokes