On an airplane (probably in the first class) a man says to the
stewardess 'I'll give you $5000 if I can bite your breast'. The
stewardess is scared and goes to the captain and tells him about this.
But the captain says '$5000? Why not? Go for it!'. So she sits on the
man's lap and he starts undressing her, touching her, fondling her,
kissing her ... (you name it). After ten minutes (or so) the stewardess
becomes impatient and says 'Would you please bite my breast now?'
But the man says 'Oh no, that's too expensive'.
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An  couple decided to stay at a very exclusive, WASP only
hotel for a night.  The manager immediately recognized them for
what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided
to be clever.  In the morning the couple came to settle the bill
and were surprised to find they owe $3000.
 
'How's this? We've only been here one night!' the man was annoyed.
 
'So?', said the manager, 'this is a very expensive hotel.  We have
golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars
and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up.'
 
'But we didn't use any of these!' explained the couple.
 
'If you didn't use - that's your problem.' came the reply.
 
'In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl
who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill.'  said the
man.
 
'What do you mean?', the manager was taken off guard, 'I didn't
sleep with your wife!'
 
'If you didn't use - that's your problem!!'
 
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A man suffering from a severe case of flatulence goes to the doctor.
Man: Doctor, I have a terrible  problem. I just can't  stop
     farting.
Doctor:    That is an unusual complaint. Take off your clothes and lay,
stomach down, on the couch.
The man does as he is told. The doctor examines him for a minute - the man
farting all the time.
Doctor:    Ah ha! This should be easy to cure. Excuse me for a moment.
The doctor goes over to a closet and pulls out a long pole with a sharp spike
at one end.
man:  Oh my God!  What are you going to do with  that ?!
Doctor:    I need to open a window.
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Why is American beer served cold?
So you can tell it from urine.

 

Jokes