The little old lady could not believe her ears, when, after the lightning 
struck the telephone, the voice of the town sheriff, who had call her
to discuss the upcoming election, sounded peculiarly odd as he said, 
"diase hwad doylra iluc epded nuos noit celegnim ocpuehts sucsidot rehl lacda
hohwf firehsn woteh tfoe ciov ehten ohpel eteht kcurt sgnint hgile htretfan
ehwsrae reh eveil ebt ond luocy ald loelt tileht."
_________________________________________________________________________
A general is assigned to head a new army base.  The first day he decides
to inspect the base and see how things are done.  As he walks around the
base, he notices a long line of soldiers in front of a small room.  He
decides to stand in line and see what this is all about.
 
The line moves pretty quickly and in no time the general makes it to the
front of the line.  Upon entering the room he notices a big wooden barrel
with a whole in the middle of it.  Above the barrel there is a sign that
says, "For a good time, stick your dick in the hole!"
 
The general being quite curious follows the advise and to his amazement, as
the sign indicates, he has a grand old time.  When he leaves the room, he
tells the soldier standing guard at the door, that he had a great time and
for the rest of them to carry on.
 
A few months down the road, one day the general is standing at the end of 
the line but notices that the line is not moving at all.  A long while
passes and the line does not move.  Finally in frustration, he goes to the
front of the line and asks the soldier standing guard at the door, "What
the hell is the hold up?  Why doesn't the line move?"
 
The soldier looks to the left and then looks to the right and then whispers
to the general, "Well sir... Today its your turn to get in to the barrel!!"
___________________________________________________________________________
The following story first appeared in Punch. 
 
May 25.  Carrie brought some of my shirts and advised me to take them to
Trillip's round the corner. She said: 'The fronts and cuffs are much
frayed.'  I said without a moment's hesitation.  'I'm 'frayed' they are.'
Lor!  How we roared.  I thought we should never stop laughing. As I happened
to be sitting next to the driver going to town on the 'bus, I told him my
joked about the 'frayed' shirts. I thought he would have rolled off his
seat.  They laughed at the office a good bit too over it.
 
May 26. Left the shirts to be repaired at Trillip's. I said to him: 'I'm
frayed that they are frayed!' He said without a smile, 'They're bound to
do that, Sir.'  Some people seem to be quite destitute of a sense of
humor
_____________________________________________________________________
 
                 THE LAW AS IT SHOULD BE !
        One evening after leaving the theater , 2 men were walking down the
 street when they saw a well dressed , attractive young lady walking
 ahead of them. One of the men said "I would give fifty bucks to spend a
 night with her." To their surprise the young lady overheard the remark and
 said "I'll take you up on that.".
      The following morning the man presented her  with a $25 bill and
 prepared to leave.She demanded the rest of the amount saying "if you do
 not pay the balance i'll sue you". The man laughed and said "I would like
 to see you do it on those grounds."
      He was surprised to receive a summons to appear in court as defendant
 for the balance of the bill plus damages and cost. He explained the
 details of the affair to his lawyer. However the lawyer said she had
 not the slightest possibility of getting the judgment but it would be
 interesting to see how the case was presented in court.
      After the usual preliminaries the ladies lawyer addressed the court
 as follows:  "Your honor , my client  , this lady is the owner of a
 property , a garden spot , surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery,
 which agreed to lend to the defendant for a specific length of time for
 $50. The defendant took possession of the property and used it for
 extensively for the purpose for which it was intended, but on vacating the
 premises he paid only $25 on behalf of the amount agreed upon. The rest
 was not excessive since it was restricted property , therefore we ask for
 the judgment against the defendant."
    The defending lawyer was impressed and amazed at the way his opponent
 planned it. "Your honor , he said , my client agrees that a certain
 amount of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However  ,my client
 found a well around which he placed some stones and erected a pump, all
 labor was personally performed by him . We claim the improvements to the
 property were sufficient to effect the unpaid amount.The plaintiff was
 already compensated for the rental of the said property, we therefore ask
 for the claim to be dismissed.
     The young ladies lawyer came back with this "Your honor my client
 agrees that the defendant did find a well on the property and that he did
 make the improvements  declared. However had the defendant not known the
 well existed he would not have harvested the property. Also on vacating
 the premises the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft ,
 removed the pump and took them with him. In doing so he not only dragged
 his equipment through the shrubbery, but he left the hole much bigger than
 it was prior to his occupancy, making it accessible to little children. We
 therefore ask the judgement in favor of us."
 
      JUDGE: Judgement reserved for a visit to the property.
  After visiting the property: 
      Judge:Defendant is asked to pay for the
  damage and costs as claimed , within 24 hours, after which time if
  payment is not made he will be thrown into the well with his stones and
  his shaft and be required to do the pumping of the well at the leisure of
  the plaintiff.
 
                         CASE FINALIZED.
 
           From....
                 THE EDGE  (Version 2).
								 

Jokes