This Pre-freshman is visiting Harvard.  She wishes to visit the library, so 
she stops a student there and Says"Do you know where the library's at?"
The Harvard student responds "Here at HARVARD we do not end our sentences with
prepositions.  
The Pre-freshwoman corrects herself with "Do you know where the library's at, 
ASSHOLE?"
______________________________________________________________________________
Why don't they allow dogs into the White House?
Because they chase the Quayles and pee on the Bushes.
__________________________
Dear Boss, I write this note,
For to tell you of my plight.
And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight.
My body is all black and blue,
My face a deathly grey,
And I write this note to say why Paddy's,
Not at work, today.
 
While working on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear.
For to throw them down from off the top,
Seemed quite a good idear *
But the foreman, he would not agree,
He being an awful sod,
He said I'd have to cart them down
A ladder, in my hod *
 
Well clearing all these bricks by hand seemed so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel,
And secured the rope below.
But in my haste to do the job,
I was too blind to see,
That a barrelful of building bricks,
Is heavier than me.
 
So when I untied the rope, of course the barrel fell like lead.
And clinging tightly to the rope,
I started up instead.
I shot up like a rocket,
and to my dismay I found,
That halfway up, I met the bloody barrel,
Coming down.
 
Well, the barrel broke my shoulder as toward the ground it sped.
And when I reached the top, 
I banged the pulley with my head.
I clung on tight, now numb with shock,
From that almightly blow,
When the barrel spilled out half its bricks,
Some fourteen floors below.
 
Now when the bricks had fallen, from the barrel to the floor,
I now outweighed the barrel,
And started down once more.
Still clinging tightly to the rope,
I raced towards the ground.
And I landed on those broken bricks,
That lay scattered all around.
 
And as I lay there moaning, I'd thought I'd passed the worst.
But when the barrel hit the top,
Was then the bottom burst.
A shower of bricks rains down on me,
I didn't have a hope,
And in the great confusion,
I let go the bloody rope.
 
Well, the barrel now was heavier, and it started down once more.
And it landed right on top of me,
As I lay there on the floor,
It broke three ribs, and my left arm,
And I can only say,
That I hope you understand why
Paddy's not at work, today.

Jokes