Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth
grade what whey want to be when they grow up.  Little Sheila says:
"When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!" Sister Catherine's eyes
grow wide and she barks:  "What the (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb) did you say?"
"A prostitute!" Sheila repeats.
Sister Catherine breathes a sight of relief and says:  "Thank God!  I
thought you said a Protestant"
______________________________
Two English yuppies notice that an Irishman of all creatures has
decided to visit their local pub. They decide to convince themselves
that this guy is indeed as stupid as their prejudices would have it,
and that in a - shall we say - rather intimidating fashion... So one
of them walks up to him and says :
 
- Say Paddy, did you know that St. Patrick was a %$&$@@ ?
- No, says the Irishman, but thanks for telling me.
- Paddy, did you also know that he was a &^%&$*%@@!!% ?
- No, repeats the Irishman, but thanks for telling me.
- And did you know that he was a big &^*&^ son of a $#%$#%$##$%%^ ?
- No, says the Irishman, but thanks for telling me.
 
The other yuppie walks up to the Irish guy and tries to finish it all
off.
 
- And Paddy, did you know that your beloved St. Patrick was ENGLISH ?
- Well, no - but your friend just told me.
______________________________
Three seminarians about to undergo their final test before ordination were
taken by an old priest into a luxurious room, told to strip and then tie a
small bell around their organ.  Suddenly a ravishing girl entered the room,
an one bell ding-a-linged furiously.  "To the showers, Fogarty!" barked the
old priest.
 
Then, as the girl tantalizingly undressed, the father heard ding-a-ling,
ding-a-ling.
 
"Sorry about that, O'Brian.  The showers for you, too."
 
Finally alone with the naked lovely, the remaining seminarian watched as
the girl writhed seductively about him; yet he somehow remained calm and
the bell silent.
 
"Praise the Lord and congratulations, Featherstone!" the priest exulted.
"You made it!  Now go join those weaker souls in the showers."
   
   DING-A-LING.