A condo committee was screening a couple interested in renting an apartment:
What kind of work do you do? they were asked.
My husband is an engineer and I'm a school-teacher, the wife replied.
Any children? asked a committee member.
Yes, 7 & 8 years old, the wife replied.
Animals? asked another committee member.
Oh no!  They're very well-behaved! 
__________________________
     The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.
     He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him.
     But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are
     given to administer we presently imagine we own.  _ H.G. Wells
 
__________________________
Q:  What greeting card is unique to West Virginia?
A:  "Happy birthday, Uncle Dad."
 
Q:  How can you tell where Amish people live in West Virginia?
A:  They have a dead horse on blocks in the front yard.
 
They celebrate Halloween and July 4th all year long in West Virginia.  
On the actual holidays, it's downright dangerous!  "West Virginia 
firecracker" is a euphemism for a stick of dynamite.
___________________________________
      Yugo owner: "I want a radiator cap for my Yugo"
 
      Parts salesman: "that sounds like a fair trade"
________________________________
 
"I assume," said Brian, staring unhappily at the reserve chute's broken rip
cord, its free end flailing at his white knuckles and his body plummeting to
earth, "that they also lied about having a bus at the landing site."           
______________________________

What did the doe say when she stumbled out of the brush?
 
"That's the last time I do that for five bucks!"
__________________________________
 
Soviet Premier Brezhnev is visiting France.  They show him
Versailles, they show him the Louvre, they show him Notre Dame.
He is not really impressed.  Finally they show him the Eiffel
Tower.  "What do you think of that?"  Ho ho!  He looks up, thinks
for a moment, and says, "There are nine million people in Paris."
 
"Yes?"
 
"Do you think one watchtower is enough?"
Jokes