Q. Why do you feed babies baked beans?
A. So you can find them in the dark.
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         There were two identical twin brothers by the name of Jones.
         John was married but Joe, the other brother was single and
         the owner of a small dilapidated boat.
 
       It happened that the same day that John's wife died,Joe's boat sank.
       A kind old lady met Joe on the street and mistaking him for his  
       brother John, said, "Oh Mr. Jones, I'm sorry to hear of your great
       loss. You must feel terrible." Joe said, "Well, I'm not a bit sorry.
       She was rotten from the start. Her bottom was all chewed up; she 
       smelled of old fish even from the first time I got on her. She made
       water faster than anything I ever saw. She had a bad hole in the 
       front, and a big crack in the back. The hole kept getting bigger every
       time I used her. It got so I could handle her all right, but when
       anyone else used her, she leaked all over the place.
       What finished her, though, was four guys from the other side of town
       came over looking for a good time. They asked if they could use her 
       and I rented her, but warned them that she wasn't too hot. But they
       insisted that they would like to give her a try. The result was that  
       the crazy fools all tried to get into her at once. The strain was too
       much for her, she cracked right down the middle."  
 
       The old lady fainted.  
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I was sitting behind a car at a stop light the other day and I noticed
that it had a bumper sticker that read "Honk if you love Jesus".  So
I thought about it a bit and since I loved Jesus, I honked my horn.
 
I was very surprised when the driver of the car got out and yelled,
"The light is still red you asshole!!!!" got back in the car and drove
off through the light which had just turned green.
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Young and fresh husband said to his newlywed wife:
I feel like being in paradise with you...
.. because we have no clothes to wear and the Landlord wants to kick us out!
Jokes