Two hippies were waiting at the bus stop along with a nun with her leg in
a cast.  The first hippie asked "Sister, how did you break you leg?"  "I
slipped in the bathtub."  The second hippie asked the first "What's a
bathtub?"
"How should I know, I'm not Catholic!"
__________________________
      Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:
      George: "I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years"
      Herman: "Hmm.  I killed a man, and I'm here for 3 days"
      George: "_WHAT_??? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill
             a man and get 3 days???"
      Herman: "Yep.......they hang me on Wednesday"
__________________________
Two little boys are walking down the street.  The first one says, "I'm so
proud to be Jewish.  Our rabbi really knows a lot."  The other one says,
"Well, I'm proud to be Catholic.  Our priest knows more than your rabbi."
The first boy says, "Yeah but that's because everyone tells him everything."
__________________________
Q: What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
 
 
A: Walk him and pitch to the giraffe.
___________________________________________________________
      A young woman got married at Chester,
      Her mother she kissed and she blessed her.
          Says she, "You're in luck,
          He's a stunning good fuck,
      For I've had him myself down in Leicester."
_________________________________________________________________
      There was a young lady of Ealing
      And her lover before her was kneeling
          Said she, "Dearest Jim,
          Take your hand off my quim;
      I much prefer fucking to feeling."
_________________________________________________________________
      There was a young lady of Gloucester
      Whose friends they thought they had lost her,
          Till they found on the grass
          The marks of her arse,
      And the knees of the man who had crossed her.
___________________________________________________________________
Mr. Smith was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies
in the lounge. A brunette, a red-head, and a blond.  To the blond
he said, "I am the governor of this state. How much would it cost
me to spend time with you?" She replied, $200.00.  He also asked
the same question to the brunette, and her reply was $100.00. When
he approached the red-head, she replied, "If you can raise my skirt
as high as my taxes, get my panties down as low as my wages, get
that thing of yours as hard as the times are, and screw me the way 
you do the public, believe me Mr. Smith, it won't cost you a penny.
 
_______________________________________________________________
woman1:  Do you talk when you and your husband are making love?
woman2:  Well, that depends.
woman1:  That depends on what?
woman2:  If there is a phone near the bed.

_________________________________________
  

adjective: a chemical they put in your food
allocator: dangerous animal resembling a crocodile
ambience: special van that takes people to hospital
anomalous: doesn't have a name
antimony: money paid to a former spouse
aromatic: works by itself without manual control
bowels: the letters a, e, i, o and u
carnivore: people dancing and playing music in the street
catalyst: a man with lots and lots of money
citation: place where a train stops
cola: two dots
combatant: capable of doing his job
commutator: a person who travels daily between home and work
commuter: a machine that does sums
conservation: two people talking
dejection: processing that occurs in the stomach and intestines
deportment: part of an organization
diffuse: to prevent from exploding
dissertation: pausing uncertainly, or dithering
electorate: you have to plug it in to make it work
element: large animal with a trunk
elicit: you're not supposed to have one
elocution: an electric shock kills you
elusion: something you can see but it's not really there
evacuate: to turn to vapor and vanish
extensive: costs a lot of money
faction: a half, a quarter, a third, etc.
formerly: in the correct manner
germanium: a sort of flower
guerilla: a large ape
hypotenuse: large grey animal that lives in swamps
incest: small animals with six legs
insulant: impolite; rude
interminable: within the organization only
intestate: part of the body that absorbs food
invincible: you can't see it
lesion: listening to the teacher
mammary: the ability to recollect the past
manual: occurring once a year
minaret: a 19th century dance in three-four time
minuet: sixty seconds
omnivore: large red vehicle that carries people about
paradigm: place of great luxury and happiness
philately: telling someone he is nice
pogrom: what runs on a computer
porpoise: intention
preposterous: large grey African animal with one horn
purple: a tortoise that can swim
sellafield: sticky tape
semantic: of middle Eastern origin
sentience: sequence of words ending with a dot
sentry: period of 100 years
sinecure: unsure of himself
tango: you can't untie it
tempt: a canvas shelter
tenable: an octopus's arm
tropical: everyone is talking about it
uninhibited: nobody lives there
yuppie: a baby dog