A while back, there were two kingdoms situated close by each other.
One kingdom had a powerful king, and the other had a relatively weak
king.  The difference (or so everybody said) was that the powerful
king had a magic throne, which had the property of making people
powerful.
     Well, the weak king wanted this throne, so he had a trusted
count get up an army (knights, pages, etc.) to fetch it.
     The army trudged along for a day or two and came upon the powerful
king's castle.
     The castle entrance was guarded by a huge yellow monster
with huge yellow hands.  The army (being an army and all) attacked!
     The huge Yellow Monster ate them all, except for two pages 
who did not engage in the fight.  The pages, being very
frightened, hid until nightfall.
     When night came along, the pages peeked from their hiding
place and saw that the monster was asleep.  The only thing guarding
the entrance now was the monster's huge hands draped in front of the
opening.  The pages, being only 8 years old and all, were able to
squeeze through the yellow fingers and gain entrance into the
castle.
 
Moral: let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.
 
     Once inside the castle, the pages had no trouble finding the
throne.  Combined, they were just strong enough to lift it, and were
able to carry it out of the castle.  (The monster gave them no
further trouble, since they had the throne and everything.)
     After having walked half the night with the heavy throne
between  them, they were very tired and stopped at a grass house
to rest.  The farmer who lived there, wanting to steal the throne for himself,
let them spend the night in the barn.  The throne was "hid" in the
farmer's attic.
     Some hours later, the farmer stole into his barn and killed
the pages.
     The farmer went back to bed.  A few minutes later, the
throne crashed through the ceiling, crushing and killing the
farmer and his wife.
 
Moral: people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
 
     When the powerful king found his throne missing the next
day, he  ordered HIS army to kidnap the other king's count and force
him to tell where the throne was being hid. The session went as
follows:
 
king:Where is the throne?
count:    I cannot tell you.
king:     Then I will have you killed!  Executioner, cut off his
     head!
count:    (as the axe is swinging down...)
     Ok!  I will tell you!
     THWACK!!!
 
Moral: don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.
______________________________
  An 8-foot fluorescent light in a New York City office burned out, and
the Big Boss said, `Fix it'. Naturally the job fell to the low man on the
totem pole, who obtained a new one and replaced the burned-out one without too
much trouble. All he had to do now was throw out the old one.
 
  He took it out into the alley and tossed it in a dumpster. One of the
building's janitors saw him and said, `You can't put that there. There's
poisonous stuff in it and it's against the law.' He tried to sneak it into
somebody else's dumpster but didn't get away with it.
 
  So, pretty soon he was walking down the sidewalk with a burned-out 8-foot
fluorescent tube in one hand wondering how the hell he could get rid of it.
It wouldn't fit in a trash can and after the `poisonous' warning he wasn't
about to break it. Finally he got on a subway to try and find a dump.
 
  Picture a New York subway. How do you carry an 8-foot-long glass tube on
the subway? You stand it on end and hold onto it. Pretty soon somebody else
grabbed on, and presently there were four or five people holding onto the
light. The man thought about it for a minute and....got off at the next stop!
 
  As far as anybody knows that light tube is still on the subway somewhere.
______________________________
"I have a short penis, is there a device out there to help me?"
"Yes.  It's called a Porsche."