ABANDON : What a big fat cigar has.
ADORE : Something you walk through.
BALL : Make a lot of noise.
BARBECUE : Line up for a haircut.
EMULATE : Dead emu.
HATCHET : What a bird tries to do when it sits on an egg.
KNAPSACK : Sleeping bag.
KNICKERS : Policemen
LESSON : Result of taking some clothes off.
________________________________
1ST MAN : Every day my dog Towser and I go for a tramp in the
          woods.
2ND MAN : Really?  And does your dog enjoy it?
1ST MAN : Yes - but the tramp's getting a bit fed up with it.
________________________________
PATIENT : My hair keeps falling out.  Can you suggest anything
          to keep it in?
DOCTOR : How about a carrier bag?
________________________________
The very fat woman turned to the man sitting next to her in the
bus and said in a loud voice: "If you were a gentleman, you'd
stand up and let one of those women sit down."
"And if you were a lady," said the man, "you'd get up and let
all four of them sit down."
________________________________
NEWS HEADLINES:
 
Under the new pay award, barbers are to get more fringe
benefits.
 
       *         *         *
 
Speaking about the droppings of pigeons in the town of
Clumpthorpe, the mayor said : "We must not try and dodge the
issue."
 
       *         *         *
 
Eleven tons of human hair was stolen from a factory in West
Fliptown this morning.  Police are combing the area.