"So, little boy, who in your family do you look like?"
"I look like my father!"
"Ah, I see! And you little girl, which one of your parents do you look like?
"I look like my mommy!"
"How about you, Sally, who do you look like?"
"I don't look like my mommy or my daddy, I look like the postman!"
______________________________
How many WASPS  does it take to change a lightbulb?
 
    Two.  One to mix the martinis, and one to call the electrician.
 
Alt.answer: One, but then WASPs frequently aren't funny.
___________________________________
  
  So this guy is visiting a union convention in Las Vegas and he decides
to drive out and visit a county where houses of prostitution are legal.
He goes to the first house, and picks a girl, but before he finishes 
making arrangements he asks her "How much of what I pay do you get?"
She tells him she gets 25% and the house gets 75% for overhead and
profit.  "That's ridiculous!" he says, "why don't you girls unionize?"
"Well there is a union house up the street."
  So he finds the union bawdy house and inquires of the madam, "How do
you split the fees with the girls?"  "We keep 75%, they get 25%".  "Well,
that's more like it, I'd like that blonde over there."  "Yes, I'm sure
you would, but we choose assignments by seniority in this house and Big
Bertha's been here 40 years"
____________________________________
 
A man goes to the doctor and says:
 
- Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?
 
- I think that is a wise decision. Let's see, do you smoke?
 
- Oh.. half a pack a day.
 
- Starting NOW no more smoking.
 
The man agrees. The doctor then asks:
 
- Do you drink?
 
- Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer
  or two every once in a while
 
- Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions.
 
The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor continues:
 
- How do you eat?
 
- Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff.
 
- Starting now you are going on a very strict diet: you are going to eat
  only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese.
 
The man is now really worried. 
 
- Doc, is all this really necessary?
 
- Do you want to live long?
 
- Yes.
 
- Absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet,
 
The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues:
 
- Do you have sex?
 
- Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!
      he adds hurriedly.
 
- As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more
  sex for you. None.
 
The man is appalled.
 
- Doc... are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?
 
- I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you is going to seem
  like an eternity.