BACKGROUND: A man checks into a hotel in Atlanta, Georgia.
              Immediately after he checks in, he climbs out
            on the ledge and prepares to jump.
 
            A policeman sees him on the ledge, and then ...
 
POLICEMAN:  Wait, don't jump!  Think of your family.  Please,
            do not jump!
 
MAN:        I have no family.  I have nothing to live for.
            I'm going to jump.
 
POLICEMAN:  Wait, don't jump!  Think of your friends.  Please,
            do not jump!
 
MAN:        I have no friends.  I have nothing to live for.
            I'm going to jump.
 
POLICEMAN:  Wait, don't jump!  Think of Southern honor and 
                show respect to the memory of Jefferson Davis.  
                Please, do not jump!
 
MAN:        Jefferson Davis?  Who is Jefferson Davis?
 
POLICEMAN:  Jump Yankee, jump!
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   Margaret Thatcher died and was carried into the great 
beyond.  She immediately called a press conference and to 
everyone's amazement announced:  "This is a rather super 
place.  I'd even go so far as to say that Heaven is as good 
as the beloved Britain I have moulded and just left behind." 
 
   "But", they told her, "this isn't Heaven." 
__________________________________

            
Picture of George Bush on left in 'speaking posture', words in bubble are:
 
"We SHELL not EXXONerate Saddam Hussein.  Our forces have MOBILized to protect
our interests in the persian GULF, and we seek an AMOCOable solution."
____________________________________________________
                                     I WISH!
 
 
              The bride-to-be and her best friend were discussing the
         former's impending wedding.
 
              "If you want an unforgettable wedding night," her friend
         said, "get him to eat a dozen oysters after the ceremony."
 
              A week later, the new bride thanked her friend but said
         plaintively, "Only eight of the oysters worked."
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Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex:
1st:  Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!
2nd:  You're kidding!  I can't even manage to do it once!  What's your secret?
1st:  Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread.  I'm not kidding!
 
So the second old man rushed to the store.
  Clerk:  May I help you?
Old man:  Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please.
  Clerk:  That's a lot of bread!  It's sure to get hard before you're done!
Old man:  Damn!  Does EVERYONE know about this except me?