One day, former NBA star Swen Nater announced that, following an old 
Swedish custom, he had decided to reverse the letters in his first name.
When NBA officials were asked to comment on this matter, their
response was:  "It's News to us."
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The theatrical impresario Maxie Doldum was once approached by a
man in his theatre.
"I've got an act to offer you that is really unique," said the
man.  "It will take London by storm.  All you have to do is put
10,000 pounds in the bank for my wife..and I'll commit suicide on the
stage of your theatre.
Somewhat astounded, Maxie pondered the offer. "Hmmmmmmm," he
finally said. "But what will you do for an encore?"
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Despite her husband's protests, Eliza Skippington insisted on
taking a dozen large suitcases of clothes with them on holiday.
When they arrived at the airport, loaded with luggage, Walter
Skippington groaned, "You know, we might have brought the piano
with us as well."
"There's no need to be sarcastic," snapped Eliza.
"I'm not being sarcastic," said Walter. "I left the tickets on
top of it."
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A nuclear physicist went into a chemist's shop and asked the
assistant : "Could I have some prepared acetyl-salicylic acid,
please?"
"Do you mean aspirin?" said the assistant.
"Yes, that's the stuff," said the physicist.  "I can never
remember its name."
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JUDGE   : You are accused of driving at fifty miles an hour in a
          built-up area.  How do you plead?
MOTORIST: Innocent.  Look, your honour, I wasn't doing fifty, I
          wasn't doing fourty, I wasn't doing thirty, I -
JUDGE   : Careful, man, careful.  You'll be backing into
          something in a minute.
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MRS P.: Are you married?
MRS D.: Well, I WAS.  I was married to the man who won the 5000
        metres final at the last Olympics.
MRS P.: Oh, I am sorry.  What happened - did you divorce him?
MRS D.: No.  He ran out on me.
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In the bar of a swank hotel, the two richest men in the world
met.  The first bit into his caviar and sipped his gin, then
drawled:
"You know, I've just decided to buy all the diamond and emerald
 mines in the world."
The second man considered this for a moment, then quietly
murmured : "I'm not sure that I care to sell them."
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Heard on KGO radio, in San Francisco:
 
"At yesterday's Columbus Day fair, a woman was bitten by a dog in the
entertainment area."