A ninety-year old grandpa marries a nineteen-year girl and they have a
honeymoon in the Bahamas for a month.
When they come back from their honeymoon, one of the grandpa's friend asks
him how it was. The old man replies, "Well, we made love almost every night!"
Feels surprised, his buddy yells out, "Almost EVERY night?! At your age!?"
(sighing) the old man says," Yes, we almost make it on Sunday, we almost
make it on Monday, on Tuesday, on ......"
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This week, a man was stopped on the freeway in Holland because of
speeding (he was doing 216 km/h, 135 mph). Because of the high speed
(max was 120 km/h, 75 mph). his car was confiscated immediately. He and
his passenger were also booked for not wearing seat belts.
 
The police granted a last request: He was allowed to use his car-phone
to call a taxi :-)
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As seen in N.J.
 
      "Sometimes you're the bug,
       Sometimes you're the windshield"
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A man and his wife were discussing the husband's desire for a new car.
He wanted something sporty, but couldn't decide on what to buy. "If
psychologists are correct," he said, "and a car is really an extension 
of a man's penis, then I should get a Mercedes_quality that lasts a long 
time." "Actually," replied his wife, "I think you're more the old Ford Pinto
type. You remember, they were small and burnt up quickly!"

____________________________

Didja hear about how the red ship collided with the blue
  ship and they marooned?
Jokes